Ten thousand alpacas skipped across buildings in contestant Jiang Cheng’s mind……
Author: Wu Zhe, Translated by Ami <3
The first building was of the same height as the second building, but the gap between them was the smallest.
Gu Fei hadn’t measured just how far it was, but the people who jumped over it in the past mostly landed more than a meter in from the edge on the other side.
The people Liu Fan had brought were spread across the four rooftops. The addition of obstacles was also a battle in and of itself. There were people throwing things onto his path, and at the same time there were people throwing things onto Monkey’s path. The rules were fair in this regard, nobody would be beaten up for throwing stuff.
And these people, no matter who won or lost, would be thrilled regardless. They wanted nothing more than to see someone fall, see someone get hurt, or even better, see someone fall off the building.
The noise in Gu Fei’s ears was a cacophony of sounds. There were people laughing, yelling, and girls screaming. For a split second it sounded almost like the basketball game, but upon a closer listen, all he could feel was darkness.
These people, Gu Fei looked around him, these people stood on all sorts of garbage that littered the rooftop: wrappers, liquor bottles, bits of food waste, at times he even saw a used condom.
What a brain dead world indeed.
The only thing that drew more than a few glances from him were the inconspicuous bits of shattered walnut on the ground. This type of garbage wasn’t at all out of the ordinary on the roofs here. If it wasn’t for Jiang Cheng shooting one of them at his shoe earlier, he would’ve never noticed these remnants by his feet.
These shattered bits were left behind by Jiang Cheng.
What’s the overachiever planning?
He wasn’t worried that Jiang Cheng would do anything too over the top, but still, he was a little anxious.
Because whatever it was that Jiang Cheng was planning to do, it would be because of him.
Even a building-hopping contest for morons would need a judge, or otherwise known as a middle man. Gu Fei recognized this guy, he was a retired ex-gang boss of some sort, everyone referred to him as Hu-ge. It would seem more fair if he was the one who called out the start of the contest. 
Despite being retired, Tiger Bro wasn’t actually that old, he wasn’t yet 30. Gu Fei had even played ball with him at some point while he was at the Reform School. Back then, he was already done with matters of the jianghu, and even said things to him like “come back to shore”, as someone who had already been there and done that.
Does this count as coming back to shore?
He never wanted to wade into the water in the first place, and yet he had to endure words like “come back to shore”. It was amusing to think about.
Gu Fei looked at the roadblocks ahead of him but didn’t bother to calculate which step should land further or with more care. This was something he had to do to shake off certain burdens. He didn’t want to dwell on it too much.
All he wanted to do was run, jump, and land back on the ground.
If he injured himself, then it would be over. If not, then they would continue.
The only thing he could control was to delay his injury as much as possible. If he got hurt on the first landing, the dissatisfied audience might demand that he continue despite the injury.
Besides, he already planned out a location and method with which he would get hurt.
Tiger Bro lifted his hand, and the rooftops were overwhelmed with the sounds of screaming and whistling.
In the next second, Tiger Bro brought his arm down.
Gu Fei didn’t care whether Monkey had set off, or how he did. He just kept his eyes locked on the far edge of the roof and sprinted out.
You say one two three, breaking what’s gone by……
Gu Fei’s right foot kicked off hard against the far ledge of the rooftop and leapt into the air, as if buoyed by the wind.
There was only darkness below his feet, and fiery light ahead.
Where there were dancing flames and dancing shadows that flitted between light and darkness.
In that moment when he became airborne, Gu Fei suddenly felt a sense of release. He wanted to shout out loud, he wanted to laugh.
The corners of his mouth curled upward.
He could almost predict where he was going to land. With the momentum of his jump, he was going to skip over the old beer carton near the edge of the other rooftop.
He would also miss the two drink bottles on the ground.
Stepping on a plastic bottle wouldn’t make him twist his ankle, but it would make him lose his balance. If he slipped on something while going at such velocity, the result of which would be out of his control.
But just as he began his descent, a beer bottle suddenly rolled in from the side.
Gu Fei’s heart sank as he saw this bottle that was heading right for his landing spot.
He had no way or time to manipulate his body at this point, and if he landed on the bottle now……
Gu Fei shut his eyes for an instant. To hell with it.
The walnut impacted at a spot on the neck of the bottle, which accelerated and rolled out from underneath Gu Fei’s feet almost at the same time as when he landed.
Gu Fei stuck his landing perfectly without any swaying, steady and solid. He made one roll forward on the momentum of the jump, then stood up.
Jiang Cheng released a long held breath amidst the cacophony of screams, whistles, and banging of metal rods against oil drums around him, and sat back on the ground.
“Very good.” He took a couple of seconds to collect himself, then pulled out two more walnuts. “You see, deep breathing really is useful for calming nervousness and fear…… shit.”
Jiang Cheng’s hands were shaking hard. He dropped the walnut twice as he tried to hold it against the leather band, “It’s obvious that it’s the first time for contestant Jiang Cheng to be taking shots under such immense pressure, his hands are shaking so much that… he can’t even hold the weapon.”
“To be honest, even my legs are shaking,” With his back hunched over, Jiang Cheng shifted himself to the side of the shed on his hands and knees. From there, he was a little closer to the second building. With this kind of lighting, even a difference of one meter made him feel more assured. He braced one knee against the concrete stump on the edge of the roof. “Ah, I need to pee so bad.”
Gu Fei wasn’t hurt, and neither was Monkey. In comparison, Gu Fei had jumped further, and made a way better landing than Monkey had.
But this was only the first round.
Jiang Cheng peered out from between the forks of the slingshot at the scene on rooftop number two. At the moment it looked like they were waiting for people from the first building to go down, so everyone was shifting about.
A few minutes later he heard music coming from the other side.
“Obviously he’s dense, but full of self confidence, dreaming of hot ladies who don’t have any sense……” 
It was a rich earful of the typical rural-urban salon flavour.
“That’s so……” Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but tsk. “I have no words……”
The boneheaded country youth taste left him speechless. It was on par with the dumbasses who thought they were hot shit just because they hung a couple of speakers from their motorcycles.
Gu Fei exchanged a few words with Li Yan, who had just come over from the first building. Then he stood at the edge of the roof, lit a smoke, and held it between his lips while looking ahead.
Jiang Cheng also dug out a cigarette, which he quickly lit while turning around and using his clothes to ward off the wind, then took a drag.
Sitting down near the edge, he looked across at Gu Fei on the other side.
In the time between Gu Fei’s first jump and landing to now, Jiang Cheng’s out of control heartbeat had slowly calmed down. He was able to stare quietly at Gu Fei again.
There wasn’t much emotion on Gu Fei’s face. He just stood there with the cigarette in his mouth, like he was looking at something, but he could also just be spacing out.
Jiang Cheng spaced out with him.
Gu Fei was unlike everyone else, he was different from those people who constantly chased thrill in all shapes and forms. Jiang Cheng felt it from the very first step he took.
Gu Fei wasn’t after the “I won”, he wasn’t after the cheers and attention, he only wanted closure.
Closure on the conflict with Monkey, and closure on the past Gu Fei so calmly brought up the other day.
Nobody noticed the sudden acceleration of that bottle, nor did anyone see the walnut that had been smashed into pieces at his feet from impact with both the ground and the bottle.
It happened way too fast. Gu Fei himself only realized why he didn’t step on that bottle when he put his hands on the ground and felt bits of walnut shell.
At this moment, he wanted more than anything to send Jiang Cheng a message, to look toward that building beside them, but he didn’t dare.
Under the current circumstance, any reaction on his part would be noticed. If he looked in that direction, it might lead somebody to head up that way.
He stared at the ground, at the walnut bits that had already been stomped into powder and scattered by the people walking back and forth. It was hard for him to pinpoint what exactly he was feeling at the moment.
He didn’t wish to drag Jiang Cheng into this mess, yet Jiang Cheng still inserted his presence in the form of an ‘outsider’.
Cheng-ge is omnipresent.
It was a line that was so full to the brim with dorkiness that it was practically bursting out of the screen. But when Gu Fei recalled it now, his heart was suddenly overwhelmed with a surge of warmth.
To him, Jiang Cheng wasn’t simply ‘exceptional’. That crystal-like purity hidden under his over-the-top smug dorkiness and occasional fiery temper… it tugged on his heart every time it flickered past his eyes in this chaotic mess of a life.
“The morons are starting to clear the field,” Jiang Cheng straightened up, still with one knee on the ground. In fact, even if he stood up, nobody on the other buildings would notice, and he would get a slightly better view. But here at the edge of a rooftop on a five-story building, in the dark, and with the wind around him, he truly could not bring himself to stand up again. He drew the sling all the way back. “Looks like the second round is about to begin…… fuck I’ll stop talking, you can see for yourself.”
The third building was one story lower than the second building, and further away too…… Jiang Cheng could feel his palms sweating, and was glad that his slingshot had great anti-slipping properties. If it was one of those props like what they used during the photoshoot that day, the whole thing might very well fly out of his hands at this point.
The morons on the third rooftop had begun to throw things onto the ‘runway’ again, somebody even threw down a few currently on fire wooden poles. This certainly improved visibility on the ground for him.
Jiang Cheng slowed down his breathing and took aim at a strip of wooden dowel on the third roof. Aside from bricks and liquor bottles, this piece of wood that lay parallel to the direction of Gu Fei’s run was the most dangerous. One would almost certainly break an ankle if one stepped on it. It would be much better if it lay across the ‘runway’, that way even if he stepped on it, his ankle wouldn’t roll to either side.
Like before, somebody stood at the center facing Gu Fei and Monkey, and lifted his arm.
In the next second, he swung it back down.
The two raced out at the same time. Gu Fei still with the same approach, the same speed, flying out from the edge of the rooftop.
Since the gap was wider, Jiang Cheng could even see Gu Fei’s legs take one stride in mid-air to maintain the body’s acceleration.
If he wasn’t so nervous at the moment, Jiang Cheng would’ve cheered for Gu Fei’s crazy hot flying move. Such long legs, such well-executed stride and jump……
Just then, there was some sort of commotion on the third rooftop that Jiang Cheng had been keeping an eye on, something happened that he didn’t at all anticipate.
Wooden boards, rods, and various other items he couldn’t make out was tossed out from both sides into the air above the roof.
FUCK. YOUR. WHOLE. FAMILY.
The shock and fury that Jiang Cheng felt in this instant was the most he’d ever experienced in his life. He almost wanted to get out the steel ball bearings and shoot it at the heads across the way. Better if the ‘bullets’ came through on the other side, so these brains that were clearly lacking in oxygen could finally get some air!
But he didn’t have time to think, he was even thankful to those over excited people for throwing things so early. If they waited to throw when Gu Fei was coming down from the jump, there was no way he’d have time to react.
Between clearing the obstacles on the ground or the ones in the air, Jiang Cheng chose the latter.
It was difficult for him to see the situation by Gu Fei’s landing spot, the clutter of objects was blocking his view. He held his breath, there was no time to think.
A slingshot wasn’t a gun, nor walnuts bullets. Jiang Cheng couldn’t afford to wait for something to head toward Gu Fei before making a move. He could only use the brief instant he had to identify the object that was the most dangerous to Gu Fei.
The difficulty of this challenge was more than anything he’d ever attempted. His head was a chaotic mess that echoed the frenzy of noises from across the alley.
Someone in the crowd picked up a piece of broken brick. Jiang Cheng pulled hard on the sling just as the guy tossed it out.
His timing wasn’t too big of an issue, but he could only guess at the angle.
He managed to knock the brick off course just as it got close to Gu Fei’s face. It practically swiped his cheek as it continued on its way, slamming into a wooden board that came in from the other side. The wooden board was also knocked off its course; it glanced off Gu Fei’s face then bounced away.
The whole time, Gu Fei did not so much as flinch. Amidst all the chaos around him, he acted as if he couldn’t feel a thing. Only, when the board glanced off his cheek, Jiang Cheng saw him sway ever so slightly.
There must’ve been nails on that board.
Jiang Cheng didn’t have time to clear away the obstacles from underneath Gu Fei’s feet. He could only watch as Gu Fei landed on the other roof, tumbling sideways amidst the heap of junk on the ground, then rolled off to the side.
Next, all the objects in mid-air started crashing down.
Gu Fei guessed he had Jiang Cheng to thank that nothing heavy smashed into his head.
Though he still stepped on something as he landed, he could feel his left foot roll violently outward.
That’s it then.
He clenched his teeth and kicked off hard with his right foot that landed immediately after, and used the momentum to roll away to the left side.
The ground was a littered mess. In these short seconds he couldn’t even make out any pain at all. He figured he must have injuries on his leg and arm, but he couldn’t tell where exactly.
As he finally came to a stop, he reached out his left hand to balance himself and placed it on an empty can beside him.
The feeling of the edge of the can cutting his palm open was sharp and clear. He pulled back some of the weight on his hand and fell to the other side.
Liu Fan was the first to arrive, he rushed to Gu Fei’s side, “Where are you hurt!”
“…… Leg.” Gu Fei frowned and held his left leg.
“Is it broken?” Li Yan kicked away the junk around them and reached out a hand to touch Gu Fei’s shin.
“Aghhh!” Gu Fei yelled out. “…… Don’t touch it.”
The crowd gathered around them, each of them wore expressions of excitement on their face.
Monkey had a pretty bad fall himself, Gu Fei could see that he was helped to his feet by the others. Upon seeing that Monkey was able to stand, however unsteadily, Gu Fei suddenly let out a breath of relief and laid back down on the ground.
“How’re you doing?” Monkey shook off the people who reached out to help him, and slowly walked through the path the others made for him. He stopped beside Gu Fei and leaned down.
Gu Fei didn’t say anything.
“I think his leg’s broken.” Somebody said nearby.
“Really?” A smile immediately surfaced on Monkey’s face, he looked down at Gu Fei’s leg. “Is it this one? It’s all crooked?”
Before anybody responded, he gave Gu Fei’s leg a little kick, “Hurt pretty bad, huh?”
Gu Fei recoiled and curled up painfully into a ball on his side.
“Let’s end it right here,” Liu Fan stood up and wedged himself in front of Monkey. “A gambler has to be willing to accept losses, this time Da-Fei lost.”
“That’s too bad,” Monkey folded his arms. There might be blood dripping down his temple, but his expression was one of glee. “I thought this kid would play all the way till the second floor with me.”
Liu Fan didn’t respond to his goading, just looked toward Xu-ge who had just walked over from the next building.
“What’s the verdict, Hu-ge?” Xu-ge asked the Tiger Bro who had stayed quiet up until this point.
“Is he unable to get up?” Somebody yelled.
The intention was obvious. As long as Gu Fei could still stand up, this wasn’t over.
Tiger Bro walked over to Gu Fei and crouched down beside him. He examined Gu Fei’s lower leg, which even through his pants looked visibly misshapen. He reached out and grabbed at the location of the fracture, pressing his fingers down.
Gu Fei sucked in a breath and couldn’t even make a sound.
Tiger Bro stared wordlessly into Gu Fei’s eyes.
Gu Fei looked directly back at him with his brows knitted.
A few seconds later, Tiger Bro moved his hand away and stood back up, “The leg’s broken.”
A round of disappointed whining sounded around them.
“Today’s hurdling, is a method willingly chosen by both of you. One and done, you each shoulder your own consequence, and everyone here was a witness.” Tiger Bro said. “The bad blood between you two is now cleared up, any problems with that?”
Tiger Bro looked at Monkey, and Monkey looked down at Gu Fei who was still lying on the ground, “No problem.”
“Any problems with that?” Tiger Bro directed his gaze at Gu Fei.
“None.” Gu Fei said.
“Go to the hospital,” Tiger Bro waved his hand. “After this, everyone stick to your own path.”
Jiang Cheng leaned against the little rooftop shed. From here, he couldn’t tell how badly Gu Fei was injured, but he could see that Gu Fei was unable to stand up. Not to mention, even from this distance he could see that Gu Fei’s hand was covered in blood.
He couldn’t make out what they were saying on the other side. At the moment, he just felt weak all over; his hands were shaking violently, and his back was covered in cold sweat. The sequence of Gu Fei crashing down hard and rolling off to the side played over and over in his mind.
That fall was solid and heavy, he could almost feel the pain himself.
He didn’t dare look over there again after Liu Fan pulled Gu Fei onto his back, only lit a cigarette and held it in his mouth.
No matter what, an injury was unavoidable. If it was only a broken leg, then it was already the best case scenario.
With this resigned yet fearless, and especially nonchalant approach, Gu Fei had put an end to certain things. Certain things that might seem to not call for such urgency for many people.
In the instant when Gu Fei so recklessly flew into the air and stepped forward without hesitation, Jiang Cheng felt like he no longer wanted to consider anything else.
The fear, anxiety, and worry that Jiang Cheng endured in that single moment was nothing like he had ever felt before. He had never experienced this kind of panic, for anyone, it was as though something had gripped him tightly and plucked him off the ground.
The people on the other side had already dispersed, only a few stragglers remained downstairs who were in the process of getting their bikes and leaving.
Jiang Cheng sat by the shed, he had already been through three cigarettes.
He snubbed out the last one and started to gather his stuff, planning to go downstairs after everyone had left.
It was then that his phone chimed. He felt he didn’t take even one second to pull out his phone. This hand speed.
It was a message from Gu Fei.
– I’m fine
The utterly useless words of comfort made Jiang Cheng want to curse.
– where r u
– at the store, come
Come your great uncle! Jiang Cheng was at a loss for words. With his leg like that he didn’t even go to the hospital! But instead went back to the store! Or did he go to the community clinic to get it taken care of?
Jiang Cheng didn’t send Gu Fei any more messages. He grabbed his things and leaned over the ledge, and saw that there was no one else there.
Just this one look overwhelmed him with dizziness. It could be that his wound up nerves had all of a sudden relaxed, but the fear of heights now crashed over him like a wave, even stronger than usual.
His legs gave out, as he plopped down by the edge and took a while to recover.
“Fuck!” He cursed quietly and turning, crawled slowly on his hands and knees to the stairwell, dragging his backpack behind him. “Fuck, ten thousand alpacas skipped across buildings in contestant Jiang Cheng’s mind, he must be very glad that nobody is here to witness him in this cowardly state……” 
After he came downstairs and before exiting the building, Jiang Cheng looked through the window again, scanning the surroundings to make sure that everyone had left, then finally walked out.
There was much more junk outside than before, most of which were thrown down from the roofs. It looked like a disaster had swept through; one of the oil drums was lying on its side, the not yet burned through wood inside was still flickering with flames in the middle of the road.
Jiang Cheng slowly walked past the heaping mess on the ground and kicked a few of the bigger pieces of flaming wood into the ditch on the side of the road.
The street lamps were limited to the area near the buildings. After he turned onto the main path, there was only the moon to light his way.
He walked all the way out to the intersection, and only upon seeing his bike with the backseat randomly smashed crooked, did he start to feel some soreness in his legs.
After all, he had just played in a basketball tournament, then proceeded to kneel on a rooftop for the rest of the day…… But in comparison, Moron Number 1’s leg had gone through even worse…… He frowned and got onto his bike, and quickly set out.
The whole way there, it was as if he had electricity running through his veins and the wind at his back, he felt like the bicycle ride had turned into an F1 race. Only when he saw the light from Gu Fei’s convenience store ahead of him, did he abruptly slow down.
Jiang Cheng tossed his bike to the side of the road, not bothering to lock it, and bolted toward the door. As he lifted the sheet curtain he noticed the rolling shutters were halfway down, but his body couldn’t catch up with his mind. He slammed into the door head first.
“Oi!” Came Gu Fei’s startled voice from inside the store. “Cheng-ge?”
“It’s your grandpa-Jiang!” Jiang Cheng yelled out and ducked into the store, the first thing he saw was Gu Fei standing at the doorway of the inner chamber.
His left pant leg was rolled up to the knee, his lower leg was wrapped up in gauze and splints. There was a thick layer of gauze wrapped around his hand as well, and a patch of it on his face.
Jiang Cheng glared at him, it took him a long time to center himself, then he said in a loving voice that suggested “I do have so much pity for you people with brain damage”: “You’re still standing then, mister? Why don’t you get down and do a little dance for me while you’re at it?”
Gu Fei was stunned for as long as ten seconds before he burst into laughter. He couldn’t stop laughing even as he doubled up against the door frame.
“THE FUCK you laughing about!” Jiang Cheng pointed at him, with rage boiling up inside. “Keep laughing, you wanna bet I’ll beat you up right now?! You dumbass-fucker!”
“Cheng-ge,” Gu Fei grabbed Jiang Cheng’s hand and pushed it down. “Cheng-ge, I’m fine.”
“It’d be way fucking better if you’re far from fine! Moron Number 1!” Jiang Cheng yelled at him.
“I really am fine,” Gu Fei lifted his left leg and banged it against the door frame a couple times. “I didn’t……”
“The fuck?” Jiang Cheng wanted to reach out and catch his own falling eyeballs. “What’s the meaning of this?”
“I wasn’t hurt too badly,” Gu Fei lifted up his bandaged right hand. “It’s just my hand, and some scrapes. I didn’t hurt my leg.”
Jiang Cheng stared at him, he was having trouble pulling his thoughts together, “Your leg is fine?”
“Mhm,” Gu Fei went to pull the rolling shutter all the way down, and walked into the inner chamber. “I’m……”
“Really fine?” Jiang Cheng watched as he walked back and forth, not at all like someone with a leg injury, and suddenly felt an indescribable sense of elation, like he lost a thousand bucks but then found the money floating around in the washing machine.
“Really.” Gu Fei gave him a smile.
“Shit, really?” Jiang Cheng went over and knocked on his leg. “Fuck!”
“Really really really really,” Gu Fei said. “Quit worrying.”
“But I saw your leg……” Jiang Cheng gestured with his hands. “Do that?!”
Gu Fei picked up a strip of bent steel that was lying on the floor by the wall, “It was this, I was using it to prevent a twisted ankle and ……”
“Damn,” Jiang Cheng took it in his hands and looked it over. “My dude, your acting skill is hella impressive you know?”
“I did think that I would break a bone somewhere, but who knew that I’d still be OK even after that fall and the tumble,” Gu Fei said. “So I had no choice but to act it out.”
“Didn’t I see someone examine your injury?” Jiang Cheng turned the strip of steel over in his hands. “He didn’t notice that your bone was outside of your body?”
“He probably noticed,” Gu Fei leaned back against the headboard on the cot. “But he didn’t say anything.”
“…… Gotta go present him with a flag of distinction tomorrow, thank goodness for the real live Lei Feng.” [4,5]
“Thank you.” Gu Fei said.
“What?” Jiang Cheng looked at him.
“Thank you for never missing a shot.” Gu Fei chuckled.
“…… It’s nothing.” Jiang Cheng waved his hand. “You almost… scared me to death.”
Gu Fei continued to laugh. Jiang Cheng gave him a look, “Are you gonna giggle like a fool again? We’re about to join the ranks of legal adults, can you……”
Gu Fei kept a hand pressed against the gauze on his face and laughed even harder. Jiang Cheng was infected by his laughter, who didn’t even manage to finish his sentence before he collapsed on a chair and cackled at the ground.
It was somewhat in celebration, and also as a release. But more realistically it was out of delight and feeling of ease from knowing that Gu Fei’s leg was not injured.
After the bout of wild laughter, neither of them spoke for a while.
Gu Fei leaned against the headboard and let out a soft sigh.
Jiang Cheng put his head down and rubbed his face.
“You’re not crying are you?” Gu Fei turned to look at him, and sat up on the cot.
“Nah,” Jiang Cheng kept his head down and squeezed his hands together repeatedly. After a long pause he lifted his head and took in a deep breath. “Gu Fei.”
“Hm?” Gu Fei answered.
“Have you considered,” Jiang Cheng said with some difficulty, but still, it was without any hesitation. “Getting a boyfriend?”
 Hu-ge, aka Tiger Bro ↩
 Alpacas: In Mandarin the insult “fuck your mom” is “cao ni ma”, which sounds like cao (草) ni (泥) ma (马), meaning literally “grass mud horse”. It originated from the Chinese World of Warcraft community, probably b/c the actual curse is censored in chat. “Grass Mud Horse” wasn’t a real animal, until the netizens decided to visualize it as an alpaca XD ↩
 Flag of distinction: given out usually by upper levels of govnt to a department below them for exceptional performance OR given by regular people to an individual or organization as thanks for good deed/contribution. They look like this ↩
 Lei Feng: a Chinese soldier from the 50s-60s whose name is immortalized as a symbol for altruistic behaviour. ↩
- Raw character count: 7067
- TL word count: 5056
- TL time: ???
- Edit: 1:22:30
- Curse words: 12x fucks, 4x shit, 2x ass
Also, not sure if everyone saw but I posted the full lyrics to saye.mp3 last week!
Also RE: “dumbass-fucker”, this is I think the second or third time Jiang Cheng unknowingly insults himself while trying to insult Gu Fei, see previous instances when he called Gu Fei a “dog-fucker” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)